To: Foolish Earthlings
From: Provider Biz (Green Brain on the right)
Subject: Hello from the Providers
Since I am disembodied brain on a farway planet who has slight gambling problem, I occasionaly place a few bets. Gladiatorial combats on alient planets, football, March Madness, whatever. Occasionaly, my fellow providers and I enjoy putting a few quatloos down on the outcomes of political contests and events in American politics. I thought you on the miserable planet Earth would enjoy playing this game with us. No? Too bad earth scum! Being a Provider means you get your way or we teleport you to our private gladiator planet and make you wear ridculous costumes.
Lets get started...
Debt Ceiling: Yes, the dipwads in your House of Representatives are going to threaten the most important economic asset of the United States, its credit rating, to fulfill their Ayn Rand fantasies. There is considerable debate among the providers whether or not they will manage to screw up the situation so badly that it causes a world wide financial panic. A worse one than 2008 possibly. Or maybe they fold under intense pressure from the banker friends on Wall Street. Or the President caves and cuts a deal with these yahoos.
Provider Biz says: 500 quatoloos that the President caves. Ultimately, he isn't crazy enough to pull that trigger and the bugeyed crazy nimrods in the House truly are that crazy. Are you kidding, they are ten times crazier than it is required to do that. The President doesn't want his legacy to be an worldwide financial panic. And many of the clowns in the House don't care if Wall Street is pissed at them. They will come back. The President caves. Moving on...
Filibuster reform: Democrats in the Senate are, according the news transmission we are receiving on Triskellion, pissed about the holds on executive branch nominees. Bold words, well, bold words for Democratic Senators. Will they do what they say, or wuss out like they usually do.
Provider Biz says: Seriously? 1,000 quatloos nothing real happens on the Filibuster. You can only pull the rug from under my brain pan so many times before I get the message. These guys aren't ready to back up their rhetoric.
Afghanistan: This one is a bit murky even to me. The President is threatening to pull all troops out by 2014 and not leave a force behind which is the plan he laid out a few years back. Karzai is pissing him off and it seems to this Provider the President feels he was sold a ration of crap by Petraeus when he agreed to the surge. Apparently Uncle Joe Biden was right on this one and when did you thing you would read those words. Will the President stick to their original plan or will he pull forces all the way out?
Provider Biz says: 800 quatloos the President pulls all the way out. 2nd term is legacy time and I get the feeling he doesn't want to leave the conflict in Afghanistan to his successor. It's been a horrific mess all the way through his Presidency and nobody has any idea how to make it better. I think walking away is going to start looking really good as the clock winds down on his 2nd term.
This will be a regular feature on the Mojowire, so please feel free to lay your bets in comments. More wagers from the Providers will be coming in the future. Obey the Providers Earth creatures and lay your bets....